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Are You Ready For Marriage? |
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Are You Ready For Marriage? |
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A few years ago, I as a pastor and we as a Church, adopted a policy that no one could be married by me or a staff member, or could get married in our buildings without going through pre-marital classes. The reason was that after years of watching young couples get married, I found that many of them were simply not prepared for marriage. More time was spent on the wedding rather than the marriage. In a 1986 study in USA Today explored some of the factors that contribute to marital breakup. Such factors they found were:
Although not listed, I would add that not being ready for marriage as one major factor. It is possible, that not being ready could be the root cause for the causes that were listed. In the passage before us, Paul is actually giving us reasons for remaining single.
In
verse 25 Paul says, "yet I give my judgment." The word
“judgment” speaks of “knowledge
and counsel based upon experience and observation. In verses 25-40, he gives his opinion and judgment why one should remain single. But, as you look at what he said, we also find truth’s for those that are thinking about getting married. Paul makes us look at marriage and what to expect when a person gets married. Let’s look at the passage from the viewpoint of someone who is thinking about marriage and ask, “Are you ready for marriage.” First, in Paul's words we see that those getting ready for marriage should ask if they are: 1. READY FOR THE DIFFICULTIES OF MARRIAGE? I heard about a man who sat down in the first-class section of an airplane next to a well-dressed, matronly woman who was wearing a stunning diamond pendant. He said to her, "Excuse me, but I couldn't help noticing that beautiful necklace. It's the most exquisite stone I've ever seen." She responded, "Well, thank you. It's the Klopman diamond, you know." He looked puzzled, and said, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I have ever heard of it." Her response was: "Well, it's a lot like the Hope diamond. It's not as large, of course, but the clarity and beauty of the Klopman are the absolute equal. And, just like the Hope diamond, it comes with a curse for the person wearing it." "That's positively amazing! What kind of curse?" "Mr. Klopman!" I am mindful that there are no marriages without its problems. In fact, one of the reasons Paul encouraged people to remain single was due to the problems in marriage. First, notice that he describes:
A.
The Pressures That Marriage Encounters We read in verse 26, "I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be." The word “distress” speaks of something that causes “great stress or calamity.” As Paul advises the single life he points to the “distresses” of marriage as a reason for remaining single. He says in verses 27-28, "Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you." He wants them to know that he is not saying marriage is wrong. If a person is “bound” (married) they should not try to get out of the marriage. But if a person is single, the distress that marriage can bring should be one factor to consider before marrying. But he wants to be clear that it is not a sin to marry. The point that I want you to see is that Paul understands that marriage is not without its pressures. As any married couple knows, there are always things happening that causes stress in a marriage. Secondly, he speaks of:
B.
The Problems That Marriage Experiences In verse 28 he speaks of having "trouble in the flesh." The word “trouble” means to be, "pressed together, or under pressure" Marriage presses two people together in the closet possible way. They become one, but they are still two personalities, two distinct people with their own likes, emotions, characteristics, temperaments, and wills. I think of the wedding candle in a wedding ceremony. There is two outside candles that represent the two individual lives that have been lived. The center candle is lit while the two outside candles are extinguished, representing that two people are now becoming one. Someone has said that the wedding makes two people one and the honeymoon shows which one. Even though two people become one in a marriage, Paul says, “Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh" (Vs. 28). Paul declares that marriages will have “trouble” when two people are pressed together as one. A man and his wife were out eating and he reached for a pickle. His wife slapped his hand and said, “You don’t like pickles.” He said, “Well, for a moment I thought I did.” I think about something I once read entitled, "Man verses Woman." A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't want. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die. A woman marries a man expecting he will change but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: before marriage and after marriage. Charlie Shedd described two rivers flowing smoothly and quietly along until they came together and joined. When this happened they clashed and hurled themselves at one another. As the newly formed river flowed downstream it gradually quieted down and flowed smoothly again. He writes: “Marriage is often like that. When two independent streams of existence come together, there will probably be some dashing of life against life at the juncture. Personalities rush against each other. Preferences clash. Ideals contend for power and habits vie for position. Sometimes like the waves, they throw up a spray that leaves you breathless and makes you wonder where has the loveliness gone.” Each couple planning on marriage should ask the question, “Am I or are we ready for the difficulties of marriage?” Secondly, in Paul's words we see that a couple getting ready for marriage should ask if they are: 2. READY FOR THE DEMANDS OF MARRIAGE?
As every married couple knows, marriage has a lot of
demands. One of the reasons Paul advises remaining single is that marriage
places certain demands on a person. It places enormous demands on your
time, energy and resources. The heart of verses 29-35 is a life dedicated to Christ and a service given to Him unhindered and without distraction. We read in verse 32, "But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord," and in verse 35, "And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction." Another reason Paul advises the single life is that the single person is not concerned with the demands marriage laces upon them, but are free to concentrate their time, energies, and resources to the Lord. His words remind us that marriage is not without its demands. What are some of these demands. First, we see:
A.
There Are Material Demands
Paul says, "I would have you without carefulness" (Vs.
32a). The word
“carefulness”
speaks of being anxious. Paul encourages the single life so that life is
free from certain things that are often the point of worry and care about
in our life.
In verses 30-31, he says, "And they that weep, as
though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not;
and they that buy, as though they possessed not; And they that use this
world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away." Paul
speaks of such things that are a part of marriage. Things such as
finances, happiness, possessions, etc.
The
phrase
“use this world,”
speaks of “availing oneself” of what the world
includes in order to obtain what one needs in life. Our jobs would be one
such example. Marriage is a huge material step. There is rent or house payments, utilities, insurance, etc. Someone has said that the cooing stops when the honeymoon is over, but the billing goes on forever. There are material demands in a marriage. Secondly, we see: B. There Are Marital Demands We read in verses 33-34, "But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband." As we saw in verse 3, there is a debt that one owes to their spouse. Meeting the needs of one’s spouse are not considered optional. If a person had entered into a marriage covenant that had also made a covenant to “please” their spouse. There is the affection one is to give to their spouse. I think of one husband that said to his wife, "I love you terribly." His wife answered, "You certainly do." Marriage calls for attention and affection to be given to one another. A Kansas cyclone hit a farmhouse late one night. It lifted the roof off, picked up the bed, on which the farmer and his wife slept, and set them down in the next county. The wife began to cry. The husband said, “Don’t be sacred Mary, were not hurt.” She said, “I’m not scared, I’m happy. Do you realize that this is the first time in fourteen years we’ve been out together.” Every couple planning on marriage should ask if they are ready for both the difficulties and demands of marriage. The third question that should be asked by those considering marriage is whether or not they are: 3. READY FOR THE DURATION OF MARRIAGE?
In verses 36-40 Paul speaks of the custom in his day of
the parents determining the marriage of the daughter. He says that if the
daughter wants to get married and the father decides to let her marry he
has done nothing wrong. But again, Paul is encouraging the single life and
says that if both the daughter and father decide marriage is not best,
they do well. If there is a decision to marry, Paul gives us certain guidelines about marriage that one should keep in mind. First, marriage should always be in:
A.
The Will of God
Paul says in verse 36, "But if any man think that he
behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her
age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let
them marry." The
words
“need so”
speak of wanting to be married. One of the reasons why the girl would want
to be married is that she has reached the age when she can marry. But there is something else even more important when planning on marriage. IN verse 39 we find that marriage should be, “Only in the Lord.” Marriage is only to be in the will of God. Stephen Olford said in reference to Adam and Eve, "Adam slept in the will of God while God prepared a mate for him." Every person contemplating marriage should ask if the person they are considering marrying is God's choice. The will of God is the most important factor in a marriage. A second guideline that Paul gives is that a marriage must be by:
B.
The Word of God
Paul says in verse 39, "The wife is bound by the law as
long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty
to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord." Marriage
is a binding relationship. It is a relationship “till death do us
part.” When one considers marriage they need to ask themselves if this
is the person they want to spend the rest of their life with. That is
God’s plan for marriage and “Marriage by the Book.”
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