SHOULD I MARRY OR NOT

Let me share with you some advice others have given about marriage. Mystery writer Agatha Christie, who was married to an archaeologist said, "An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." Zig Ziglar said, "If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you'll never end up with a nag."

When it comes to advice about marriage, 1 Corinthians chapter seven in my opinion is the ultimate source. The advice given in the chapter for marriage is not just good advice, it is godly advice. As we continue looking at the chapter, we find in verses 6-7 advice on whether one should get married or not.

I read about a preacher that prayed, "O, Lord, give us clean hearts, give us pure hearts, and give us sweet hearts," and every single girl in the congregation said, "Amen." A young lady came to her pastor asking why her prayers for a husband were not being answered. "Pastor," she said, "I go to the altar every service and ask God to give me a husband. Why doesn't God answer my prayers?" The pastor said, "It may be that you are praying selfishly. You are asking for yourself." The next service, the girl went to the altar and was overheard praying, "God, please give my mother a son-in-law."

According to a survey in 1991, the percentage of people getting married is at an all time low. In 1991, the rate of marriage was 54.2 compared to 73.5 in 1960. The National and International Religion Review also reported that fewer adults marry. In 1992, 42 million adults had never married, twice the 21 million in 1970. Only 55% of American adults are married which was an all-time low figure.

The National Center for Health Statistics revealed that between 1950 and 1982 the singles population increased by 385% (from 4 million to 19.4 million). I know of several that would like to reduce those figures.

In the passage before us, Paul not only spoke of those that were single because they had never married, but also of those that were single because of the death of their spouse. In 1987 there were over 11 million widows and over 2 million widowers, a total that represented approximately 5% of the population of the U.S.

The issue before us in our text is, whatever the case for being single, should a person marry or not? In verse 6 Paul makes it clear that what he says is his own personal opinions about the matter. He says, "But I speak by permission, and not of commandment." One writer went as far to say, "The full humanity of the apostle is evident in this passage as we see him striving to give advice in matters on which he was by no means an expert." (Norman Perrin, "The New Testament: An Introduction)

Yet, I point out that Paul says he had been given permission to say what he did. I ask, whose permission? I would think it would have been the Lord. Therefore, what he has to say about getting married may not have been a direct commandment from the Lord, but his advice was sanctioned by the Lord, therefore making his advice good and godly advice.

Understanding this, lets consider the passage and glean advice about whether or not one should get married. First, notice that:

1. PAUL DEFENDS A SINGLE LIFE!

Orthodox Jewish belief made marriage an obligation. If a man did not marry and have children, he was said to have "slain his posterity," and "to have lessened the image of God in the world." (William Barclay, "The Letters to the Corinthians") Orthodox Jewish belief also taught that there were seven who were excommunicated from heaven and the list began, "A Jew who has no wife, or who has a wife but no children." ("Ibid.") In the Jewish way of thinking, God had instituted marriage and had told man to be fruitful and replenish the earth. Therefore, not to marry and have children was to be guilty of breaking a command of God. Yet, we see Paul's idea of being single was quite different.

He states that:

A) Being Single Was Allowable

Paul says in verse 7, "For I would that all men were even as myself." Paul was speaking as a single man and declares that he wished that everyone were single like himself. It is obvious that Paul does not look upon being single as something wrong or sinful, but allowable.

Paul's desire that others be single like himself was a new concept. He was elevating being single. He was indicating that it was not an act of disobedience to God's command as was held in those days, but was perfectly allowable.

Secondly, he states that:

B) Being Single Was Acceptable

He adds in verse 8, "I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I." The word "good" speaks of that which is acceptable and honorable. He was saying that being single was neither sinful or shameful, but allowable and acceptable.

Paul's words help the single to realize that they are not some second-class believer in the family of God. Being single is perfectly honorable and acceptable.

First, Paul defends the single life and then secondly:

2. PAUL DEFINES THE SINGLE LIFE!

Even though Paul wished that all men were as himself, he realized that his desire were not the desires of everyone. For the most part, people wanted to marry, would marry, and should marry. Paul was well aware that remaining single was the exception, not the standard or norm. But at the same time, Paul was aware that marriage was not for everyone. For some, living a single life was preferred and proper. Paul not only defended the single life but also defined a single life from the perspective of those who remain single throughout life.

First, notice:

A) The Determination for Remaining Single

We hear much about spiritual gifts. Paul had much to say about spiritual gifts in chapters 12-14. But there is one gift that you rarely hear about and that is the gift of celibacy. Paul declares in verse 7 that remaining single is sometimes the will of God for a person's life. We read, "For I would that all men were even as myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that."

Paul is declaring that in either marriage or remaining single, the will of God is the ultimate determining factor. He speaks of one's gift. The word "gift" is the same word that he uses to speak of the spiritual gifts in chapters 12-14. In the case of being single, there are times that is a gift from God. We will later look at chapter 12-14 and will learn that spiritual gifts are the basis of God's will for the life of the believer. If a person wants to know God's will for their life, understanding their spiritual gift or gifts can help a person understand how God wants to use them.

In some cases, remaining single is the will of God. I think for the majority, marriage is God's plan. Yet, remaining single is the will of God for some. If that be the case, the gift of celibacy enables a person to remain single. It is gift that removes the desire for marriage and gives the dynamic for remaining single.

Secondly, we see:

B) The Decision to Remain Single

Again notice verse 8, "I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I." The word "abide" speaks of a decision that is made. The tense of the words speaks of a voluntary decision to remain single, a decision made once and for all.

Again, for most people it would be God's plan and purpose that they marry. But there are those, such as Paul, that it is God's will they remain single and thus the decision is made not to marry. When it comes to marriage, one must find what is God's will for their life.

Thirdly, we see that:

3. PAUL DISCOURAGES THE SINGLE LIFE!

Even though it is Paul's desire that most remain single as him, he was aware that being single for most people would not be best. Therefore, he discourages the single life for most people. We read in verse 9, "But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it better to marry than to burn."

In these words we see:

A) The Desire to Marriage

The word "contain" refers to having power or control over certain desires. The desires that Paul specifically speaks of is sexual desires. What Paul is saying is directly connected to what he said about one's proper gift of God. Those who have the gift to remain single are given a special control by God over their sexual desires. It is not that sexual desires do not exist, but they are gifted to discipline and control those desires and not let those desires govern them.

If a single person makes the choice to remain single because they feel it is best for them, God enables them to exercise the necessary control over their physical desires. In those who do not possess such a gift, there is a desire for marriage and for a mate in life.

Also we see:

B) The Decision to Marry

Paul says of one that has not the gift of celibacy, "Let them marry, it is better to marry than burn." The word "better" speaks of that which is profitable. The idea of "burning" is being constantly plagued with unchaste desires. A person who realizes that singleness is not their lot in life, makes the decision that marriage is best for them, and in God's time and will, marries.

The bottom line to all Paul has said is, SHOULD I MARRY OR NOT? The answer depends of God's gift and plan for your life.